TEARS

I jus wondering..
When young, my tears are just like water taps... it flows so fluently whenever it supposed to be the time to be flowing...
Now, how come my tear ducts seem not in functioning whenever it supposed to be... When was e last time i ever cried?? i really cant rem... mayb there was once quite near recently.. but because of wat..i cant rem.. or there isnt any at all... could be my illusion...
I know I did told myself on e day my muM passed away that I will not cry if it is not necessary.. I must be strong in whatever I do...and that was when I was 12.
It had been reaching to a decade soon... Now I want to tell myself this.. Remove the thought i ever i told myself 10 years ago... I wana cry whenever my feeling brought me to. I dun want to put a strong front in front of anyone anymore..esp GOD...
Its so tiring to put a strong front in front of ppl.. 10 yrs of doing tis.. i jus feel as if I had been living so "plasticly" for e past 10 yrs... I want back e REAL SALLY....